Mom! He’s naked in my zoom! (And other things said and heard around here)

I used to call this Quarterly Quotes, but I also used to blog in a timely manner so instead, just welcome to things I’ve written down and some funny insta-stories you may have missed. It’s wild and weird around here but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

*****

He’s not an angel – he’s a fraud!

Hate to break it to you bro, but you are going to have to wipe your own bum before Kindergarten. Oh, and learn how to use a belt. Good luck.

Can I have a lighter and some of the fuzzy stuff from the dryer? I want to try something.

I didn’t hit him, I just pushed his face and then he fell backwards!

If I can hear you playing FreeBird on your guitar from the kitchen, then there is no way you can hear your math zoom from in your room!

It’s okay mom, you can tell them I’m your favorite.

I fell and broke my bum crack.

I can’t wake up yet, I haven’t decided what kind of animal I am going to hatch into.

I didn’t kick him! He ran into my foot!

Ooooh look, cute Christmas masks!…. wow, who would have thought this time last year that would be cause for excitement.

As your mom, I shouldn’t make those kind of jokes or say “grown ass” in front of you… but you have to admit that was funny.

Well I didn’t exactly lose my teeth because they were ready, I kinda ran into a metal pole playing flashlight tag and then they got more loose.

“Peck the balls with lots of Holly fa-la-la”… that’s not how it goes.

Mom! He’s naked in my zoom!

Mom! No I’m not! I’m only half naked, I have shorts on!

I’m not your waitress.

Sorry Mommy, Daddy’s my number 1 now because I got a popsicle before school.

Baby’s first Covid test – is there a sticker for that?

They call me laser gun on the ga-ga ball court.

Mommy, that lego building is terrible, but you tried your best so I won’t just break it down while you are watching.

Hey Marme, how are you? I have a bug bite that makes it look like I have 3 nipples.

Don’t hit him while he is tinkling.

Mommy, watch and learn.

I know you like to give hugs, but I feel like we need to come up with a handshake.

I rubbed Griff’s belly and made 3 wishes.

It’s not called a commercial, it’s called an ad.

Daddy waved to me when he came out of the bathroom but I just snuck back under the covers so he wouldn’t realize I slept in your bed again.

Is there a bruise on my face? I ran into the tree.

I’m still kinda confused how you go pee without a penis.

I need a different mask, this once doesn’t match my look.

Why did you…nevermind.. let me just get the scissors.

I put on way too much deodorant; now I have to go shower because I smell too much in the other direction.

Oh good news! I didn’t poop in my undies, I just didn’t get all the toilet paper off my bum!

Put a helmet on if you are going to let him shoot that hard!

{Apologize for hurting your brother please.} I’m sorry I boxed you out and got the ball.

Mom!! Have you seen my cup? I have to get to practice and I’m not borrowing his!

Watch out, I’ve got a motherload.

For my birthday dinner, I want Filet-MignDuck. That’s like a really good filet mignon with really good roasted duck on top.

*****

And now movie clips going all the way back to last summer!

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